Nov 5, 2009

The Mommy Clauses #1001-#1004

What is a "Mommy Clause"?
It is simple really, when you leave the hospital (or adoption agency) with your impossibly-tiny- whatdoyou meanIcantake himhome-baby, you sign some paper work.  On this paperwork is some "small print" that we all miss in our dazed, drugged, drunk-with-love state, which lays out what you're REALLY signing up for.  The Mommy Clauses.


MC #1001 - You forfeit your right to intelligent conversations with adults that don't include your toddler's potty training, your 1st graders mad reading skills and your 4th grader's 3 hours of homework, you just don't get to. Sorry.


MC #1002 - You forfeit your right to the ability to string together a rational, logical thought, unencumbered by the "bonding hormone" which robs you of your intelligence and makes you speak to young children in an uncontrollable high-pitched voice.


MC #1003 - You forfeit your right to go to the bathroom alone.  There will always be someone watching you, or talking to you through or under the door.  It is likely that from time to time someone will pound on the door while you are changing your feminine hygiene products, just accept it and move on.


MC #1004 - You forfeit your right to get out of the shower alone.  There will always be someone underfoot while you attempt to get dressed as quickly as possible.  No matter what time you take a shower, once your children are independently mobile, they will appear in your bedroom to watch you get out of the shower, and will probably comment on your appearance. If you lock the door, the same child will probably begin to spontaneously bleed and/or fall of his/her bed and break a bone.


More to come... hard to decipher those little words!
Please feel free to add some Mommy Clauses you may be aware of.


Thank you,
AJ
Educating mommies everywhere of WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR!
Keeping Smiling!

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3 comments:

  1. According to my sister, who has two little ones you also forfeit the right to ever enjoy something all by yourself. Everything in your life is now also property of your children. Sharing is not optional :) MC # 1005

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  2. You forfeit the right to sleep soundly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hear ya! At least it is for a short while.
    Holly

    ReplyDelete

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