Nov 20, 2009

More Off Center small and strange things. Keep reading... I would love to hear your thoughts!

Off Center Thanksgiving

21. Traffic laws. Could you imagine what it would be like without traffic laws? Geez. People are really stupid. I don't mean that in a nice way. I am thankful that somebody stepped in to protect us from ourselves.

22. Leaves. My daughter keeps saying this for what she's thankful for. I am not sure what the attraction is. I like leaves too. I like the crunching sound they make under my shoes when I am walking.

23. Marriage. So I don't feel guilty about having sex. And somebody is legally required to live with me and take care of me. Not sure I'd have this opportunity otherwise.

24. Capitalism. This give me hope that I can someday swindle a bunch of idiots customers out of their money. What other economic system is balanced on the idea that people are stupid and can be manipulated into buying stuff they don't need from rich people who take their money and buy stuff they don't need.  It's brilliant!

25. The color black.  I think that being a "large boned" individual has made me appreciate this color for it's ability to camouflage the fact that I have a ginormous butt.  It's probably the best color of all... a non-color.

26. Pets.  In my case, my cat.  He waits all day long for me to pet him for 5 minutes.  He loves me unconditionally.  He eats dry cereal.  He goes to the bathroom outside and doesn't use toilet paper, which means he never clogs the toilet.  He looks at me adoringly... all the time. Oh, and he doesn't talk... he only meows, and I can make him sleep in the garage if he gets annoying.

27. My opposable thumbs.  We take for granted that we can do SO much with our hands.  Like opening jars, doorknobs, and eating with utensils.  I'm just saying... we should all be thankful for opposable thumbs.  Aren't you?

28. Idiots.  I'm not saying just the really obvious idiots, but pretty much anybody who is stupid enough to make me look good.   Which could be a lot of people, or a few.  Every once in awhile I look really good because I am standing next to a big idiot.  This works well for me.  If I make a mistake I can say... I may have made a mistake, but at least I am not a big idiot like so and so over there.  MAN is that guy really dumb.

29.  My computer.  Without it I would feel so much more pressure to be productive.  This way, I can just sit around on my ginormous butt and keep busy with really important things.  Like this blog.  Facebook.  Farmtown.  You know, really important stuff.

30. Mascara.  Without it I would look like I lost my eyelashes in a fire.  I have these really deep set eyes... with really BIG dark circles under them.  My eyelids are getting more and more saggy... one of these days I will have to start using toothpicks to keep my eyes open.  I will eventually look like a freakin' Chow or Charpe... it will not be attractive.  Without make up people will worry about my health.  It's true. So sad.

What about you?  Come up with any really good small and strange things to be thankful for?
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9 comments:

  1. Seriously. Mascara is key. How did woman managed before this?!

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  2. Hey Where is 55 fiction Friday? I am in morning! I am thankful for 55 fiction Friday:) Because it is a creative outlet for me, which is short and fun. Without it I will have to go back to sniffing glue, er.. uh... decopaging:)
    Good post lady!

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  3. Oh mascara how I love thee!

    Can you just imagine no traffic laws...look how horrible people are with them!

    Holly

    PS-I am workignon my courage to use your tutorial on buttons to make my own!

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  4. traffic laws. yes. very good. they built some "round abouts" nearby. unfortunately many drivers do not know what the word yield means.

    I hear you about the saggy, droopy eyes! I've been saying for the past few years that I think my eyelids have grown! If I ever did cosmetic surgery it wouldn't be breast augmentation, it would be an eye lift.

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  5. Ah, yes, traffic laws! I was just thinking about that the other day as I was turning left. haha My husband was recently in India and they, literally, drive however and wherever they want. Wrong side of the road, on the sidewalk, ignore traffic lights, you name it. It's a wonder anyone gets to where they're headed there!

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  6. Would you feel guitly about sex if you weren't married? IF so please tell my 21 year old self that.

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  7. thank you so much for the laughs with this one... You have given me another 100 list to try and do. However, I might have to borrow a couple of yours... (no vomiting here either in a while)

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  8. Great idea for different things to be thankful for instead of the usual 'family, friends and blah blah blah'!

    Ok, lemme see here.

    I'm thankful for Kleenex. When you don't have one, say like in the car, aren't you horrified? Thank goodness for facial tissue.

    Bananas. I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but as a mother of two still-learning-to-eat babies, I find that I NEVER can figure out what to feed them. Every meal is like a mad dash to prepare something appropriate for little messy hands. Cut to the banana. Safe. Mushy, but still nicely formed. Healthy. Won't stain clothes. Tastes good. Is there anything else? This fruit is like gold! Gold I say! I'm thankful for bananas.

    Coffee Mate. Need I say more? I'll take a little coffee with my coffee mate. Thanks.

    Oh! I'm super duper thankful for pain medication. Of the tylenol sort, or the epidural sort. I'm not picky. I just like pain relief.

    Hee hee, this was fun AJ. Fantastic posts. The bed vomit, sewer back-up story was unbelievable!! Poor you!

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