Mar 8, 2010

Memory Lane Monday - Never Lie to a Lawyer, and other lessons

Have I ever mentioned that when I got married and started thinking about the possibility of having children, I told God that I was really excited about being a mommy, but only if He didn't give me any daughters. I know, what's wrong with me?! But I was serious... the following story is just ONE of the reasons why.

There are many different types of teen girls, but I can loosely classify them into three groups; bad girls; good girls and bad girls who look like good girls. I would have been the last one. I was a class-A biatch challenge to my parents and sister, at home, while no one was looking. If I had to give a "primary sin" confession, that would be rebellion.

People who knew me as a teenager, may or may NOT remember this side of me. I wasn't a "wild" child, I didn't go out drinking and partying, I never came home drunk, never stole the car or ran away, but what I DID do was exert my passive-aggressive ocd control "independence" at every opportunity just like I do today. I would say my mantra was is "You are not the boss of me".

This particular memory starred me, as a 16 year old. It happened just at the beginning my Junior year. What you should know is that I was NOT allowed to date until I was 16. I was allowed to have a "boyfriend" but we had to spend our time together at either my house or his house, so we were limited in the amount of trouble we could get into in theory. I had been dating a foreign exchange student from Finland most of my sophomore year, so I was recovering from the heart break of saying goodbye to him, and enjoying the freedom of being a "free agent" who could date as many boys as she wanted to, at least 2 a weekend.

The second dating rule my parents enforced was that I wasn't allowed to date a boy out of high school while I was in High School. So, during the summer I had started hanging around a couple of guys who had just graduated from High school, but because they weren't actually IN college, they didn't count yet. When the school year started, I wasn't supposed to go out with them anymore.

One particular boy, Greg, struck my fancy and we spent more time together. We got around the "can't date" thing by meeting at football games and he would come and hang out after school in the front yard (couldn't have boys inside the house while my parents were at work either). Of course, this got old, and he wanted to spend more time with me one on one. So, we had a plan.

I told my parents that I was going out with my friends Shelby and Lance to a movie. When in reality I was going out with Greg, Lance and Eric, another guy friend (all of who were in college), and then we would meet up with some other friends at the Billiards hall. I am a horrible liar. I should have known that my father (who is an attorney) knew I was lying when he began to ask questions like "Who did you say you were going out with?"

So, the night came. I was nervous, my dad was smirking (which was another bad sign) and when the doorbell rang, usually I could just yell out "BYE!" and leave but my dad beat me to the door. When it opened, Lance was on the doorstep.

My dad shakes Lance's hand and asks "Where's Shelby?" Lance hooks a thumb over his shoulder "She's out in the Jeep." "Really?" says the dad "I wanted to talk to her about something".

My mind starts racing.

We had this pet poodle, Winnie, who LOVED tennis balls. My dad started out the front door ambling slowly. He bounced the tennis ball and caught it. Winnie hopped and yipped.

Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP!

I danced nervously around my dad as he walked slowly down the front walk "Uh, um dad, maybe you can talk to her about it later."

Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP!

"Dad, what do you need to talk to her about? We need to go, we could miss the movie!"

He stops at the end of the front walk. "Where's the car?"

Lance nervously handles his hat, which he had removed as we ambled down the path. "Uh, it's parked in front of the neighbor's house"

My dad looks at me and raises his eyebrows. He then starts walking toward the Jeep.

Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP!

As we marched inexorably toward certain doom, Lance catches my eye behind my dad's back and mouth's "Greg and Eric are in the Jeep". My heart begins to pound in earnest.

Time is moving in slow motion as I watch my dad walk to the Jeep and peer in the passenger side window. He turns. "Where's Shelby?"

I begin to stutter and stammer, Lance says "Maybe she went for a walk?", as I say "Maybe she's hiding?"

My dad smirks.

"Hiding?" He bounces the ball. Winnie hops and yips. He bounces the ball. Winnie hops and yips. "Maybe we should look for her." I smile a small smile, "Um,yeah, that sounds good."

He walks around to the back of the Jeep. "No Shelby."

He walks around to the street-side of the Jeep. "No Shelby."

I am still dancing nervously around him, I walk up to the neighbors bushes, looking for Shelby, and I see Eric and Greg crouched down in front of the Jeep. I feel like throwing up.

He walks around to the front of the Jeep and looks down at the two college students crouching there in the street. "You're not Shelby. You're not Shelby either." Looks at me, "No Shelby."

He then turns on his heel and slowly ambles back into the house.

Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP!
Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP! Bounce, YIP!

The sound fades as the front door closes and I lay prone on the neighbors front lawn. I can't breathe. I learned a few lessons that day: 1. Never lie to a lawyer, ESPECIALLY if you are a bad liar. 2. College boys are dumb. 3. Silence is worse than yelling. 4. My dad is scary.

If you were wondering what my consequences were: when I finally got up the courage to go into my house (I didn't end up going out that evening), my mother was hurt that I lied, my dad seemed to be very pleased with himself and they asked me to punish myself.

So I grounded myself for a week and never saw those boys again.

Have YOU ever been caught in a lie? Was it excruciating?

Just me, AJ


  1. Yeah I was a lot like you. Sucks!

  2. Oh my gosh, your dad scares me and I wasn't even there. He was just so calm and slick about it all. I would have been mortified and then you had to punish yourself??? Oh the horror!!!

    I do have to say that I love the rebel in you though. From one to another.... :)

  3. I was a bad girl that looked like good girl.

    Still am. Bwahahaha.

    Was there anything worse than when your parents told you to ground yourself? Ugh.

  4. My dad once hopped into the car and FOLLOWED me when a guy came to pick me up. He chased us for about 10 miles when I finally convinced the guy to pull over. Dad walks up and asks, "What time are you going to be home, don't be late for dinner." And then he walked away.

    Horror, thy name is Dad.

    Love this post!

  5. We would have been great friends, lets just say that. lol Only I 'may' have gotten in a 'little' more trouble. :o)

    Been caught. Excruciating - hell yea!. I have 2 girls who are THANKFULLY NOT like me at all.


  6. Ha!!!! I was this exact same girl!!!! My sis and I went to the pool halls on Friday and Saturday with all our friends then on Sunday we would all be at youth group at church. My parents saw right through it. I am a terrible liar.

    Now I try and hide all my gas station purchases of iced tea all week. My hubs see's through it too. I guess I should throw out the stryofoam cups more often. I'm still a bad liar I guess.

  7. Oh my, reading that made me feel like a kid again. I was so scared for you:O)
    It makes me laugh to think of it from a parent point of view too. How dumb were we as teenagers???? I did that kind of thing all the time, and would wonder.."How did they Know?"

  8. I have girls, one of them seems to act a lot like my little sister -- and she has many, MANY stories like the one you wrote. I. Am. Terrified.

  9. Stopping by from Trendy Treehouse Friday Follow to say HI! Come by and say Hi!

  10. Ahhahhaa!!! This was awesome. Your dad is AWESOME!! The way he just said "no shelby" and walked away. I don't know how you ever got brave enough to go back inside!


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