Jun 11, 2010


There was a post waiting to go out today.  It was full of appreciation for last week's new followers and some funny flip-off to round it off nicely.

But I have something heavy on my heart and mind.  I have love and prayers to send out to my friend Ami and her husband Dave.

I have a lovely, sweet friend who had reached her due date in her pregnancy and went right on passed it.  It was just like every other first time pregnancy.  We made the normal jokes, yelled "Go toward the light!" at her belly.  People called her every day to make sure they hadn't missed it. Her husband was on pins and needles with every late night contraction and pain. It was just like every other first time birth story.

After much waiting, false alarms and really, four full days of contractions that didn't do much, her water finally broke and she was off to the hospital. She progressed slowly.  His and her family waited patiently.  Smiled and joked and distracted themselves with television and computers.  Her husband busily emailed updates to friends and family. We said things like "It seems like it's taking so long, but just wait until he's here and you can hold him and nurse him and cuddle him, it will all be worth it."  It really was JUST like every other birth story.

29 hours after her water broke, she was finally dilated to a 10, and started pushing.  An hour later, they determined that he wasn't moving down fast enough and decided to do a c-section.  The prayer chain got on their knees.

It was his birthday.

The c-section went perfectly, for my lovely friend... sort of.  Baby Ethan wasn't breathing. He had fluid in his lungs and they weren't able to resuscitate him.

But... I prayed. Everyone prayed! Why?  I know that God loves us. I know that He knew it was going to happen.  I wish I knew why?

She and her husband sit in a hospital room tonight, holding the baby they will never take home...unbelievable.
This song has been going through my head:

Held by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
Listen here:
Just me, AJ


  1. I just can't imagine the pain. I feel so helpless. Losing a baby seems so unfair but I know He knows our pain and sorrows and when it is too much for us He takes the lead. I will keep them in my prayers!

  2. As I was reading your post, that is exactly the song that was going through my head as well, and when I saw it....I knew it's just one of those gifts. There are so many things we won't understand this side of heaven. It's easy to say that on this side of the grief. I don't know your friend, but I'll be praying for her and the cirlc of friends and family that surround her.

  3. Oh sweet AJ...prayers going up!

  4. oh sweet AJ, prayers for you and for your friend, oh man.

    Just because God didn't save the baby doesn't mean he doesn't love us.

    He does.

    God loves us and knows US better than anyone.


    Now, I better go wipe my tears away, man alive, take care.

    Oh man.

    God bless you and your friend that has lost her little one.

  5. :o(

    My heart goes out to all who this sweet baby touched. It's a terrible, terrible heartache.

    My thoughts to all tonight.

  6. Praying for them! Such a horrible thing, my heart breaks for them.

  7. Simply too sad for words. I can't imagine the pain.

  8. I will be praying for your friend and her husband.

  9. it's so hard to understand why some things happen. sending so many thoughts and prayers.


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