Sep 20, 2012

World's Worst Tooth Fairy

 To whom it may concern,

This is a letter requesting a replacement of our tooth fairy.  I understand that the International Association of Tooth Fairies protects the interests of tooth fairies everywhere, but I can't believe that even a union would protect the tooth fairy in question.

There are only two children that are being served at our home, and they don't lose their teeth very frequently (so it's not as though she is being overworked).  There have been maybe 13 teeth total that have needed to be changed in the last 4 years, and easily, half the time she has failed to do her job.

Sure, there are valid reasons, but she also has a lot of excuses that sound unreasonable.  She won't deliver in a messy room, she doesn't like to have to look too hard under pillows, she can't fly when there is a fan blowing on the bed, she won't come if the child has stayed up "too late" and she prefers the tooth to be in a small 2"x3"bag, in the pocket of the tooth bear (she won't deal with a sandwich bag, it presents a suffocation risk to her). 

Just this week my daughter lost a tooth, and the tooth fairy had failed to show up.  She seemed to use a combination of the fan and the sandwich bag excuse, but I must assume that she got behind on her work and decided to take the risk of being seen, as she delivered while the children were eating breakfast. 

While I understand that tooth fairies in general are a flighty group, with a tendency toward finickiness and perfectionism, I am frequently disappointed in the lazy work ethic of our fairy.  If she doesn't show an improvement soon, we will have no recourse but to take the matter up with the Universal Association of Magical Creatures, and I am sure no one wants that.

Sincerely,

A concerned mother
(We don't want to disappoint this little face, do we??)




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