He stands two feet from where I sit, my little man-child, who is only 10 but I can see the hints of 15 in him. His legs are starting to look too long, his shoulders are slowly broadening, his face is slowly hardening and my heart is surprised by how different he looks to me everyday.
"Are you listening to me?"
I shake my head a little, as if to wake myself up, lost in my reverie, distracted by his signs of "aging".
"Mom? Are you listening?"
I focus in on his eyes and realize I didn't hear what he said, so I respond with an apology and he begins again to tell me the riddle that he just learned.
Earlier this week I read this post about how quickly childhood slips away, and began to realize that I am still focused on the destination of this parenting journey rather than the process of the journey itself....
I recognize, that like Adam Sandler's character in the movie "Click" I am fast forwarding through my life to get to what I think is "the point".
It's like I am sitting in the backseat of the car asking God "are we there yet?" every few feet, when I should be sitting in the front seat and enjoying the scenery. What if "the point" of parenting had less to do with "raising responsible adults" and more about learning about God's grace and love for us through our grace and love for our kids? What if it really is as much about learning to listen as it is about "teaching them the way they should go"?
What if this parenting gig really isn't about getting them into the "right" activities, so they can get in the "right" schools, so they can get the "right" job, so they can be "successful"? Rather it's a lesson for us to learn how to love selflessly and through that process our children learn to be lovers of all that is holy and pure and "right", and their success is more about their character and less about how much money they make.
I find that I have a hard time staying in the here and now, and find myself sliding into the future, with all it's hopes, dreams, worries and anxieties. Maybe I need to stop for a moment and just listen to what my kids are saying. Listen to the long story that my daughter wants to tell me about the dream she had. Listen to my son's endless jokes and riddles. Listen to who they are becoming and who they are today.
Because someday, not too far in the future, silence will echo through my house and I will look at the wagon getting rusty, and the chipped paint in the corner of the hallway, and I will miss the noise.
This was written as a part of 5 minute Fridays over at Gypsy Mama
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the heart of this community..
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