Jun 16, 2013

Seven Names to Call your Husband to help him be a Better Father

 If you spend time around other women {not every woman does}, you may have at some point found yourself a part of a "hen circle" where the women sat around and bad-mouthed their husbands.  As much as our current culture emasculates and insults men on T.V. and elsewhere, as wives we should do our best to protect and encourage the man in our lives {and NOT just on Father's Day}.

I am sure you can come up with some names you want to call your husband, and as easy as it can be sometimes to just focus on the negative, these are some names you can call your hubby that can encourage him as a father and as a husband.

1. Team-mate
Loyalty means more to a husband that a thousand words that say "I love you."
Sometimes your kids may complain about your husband or you might not agree with a decision he made.  You are his wife, which means first and foremost you are on HIS team {not on your kid's or your parents}. Which means that you should "stand by your man" even when your kids don't like his decision or your parents are criticizing him.     My mom did this extremely well.  She was first his wife and then our mother (and then a daughter and sister).  Show your kids, friends, and extended family that you support your hubby before anything or anyone else: it will fill him with the confidence that he knows his wife supports him no matter what, forsaking all others."For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24, NIV)

2. Man
Men thrive in a relationship where his wife offers understanding about his needs.  Men have needs that are different than yours as a woman.  Some men need sex, some men need solitude, and some men need affection.  My husband is an introvert, which means he is exhausted at the end of a long day of meeting and interviews.  As his wife I should be willing to appreciate his unique need for a period of time of quiet and calm before the evening chaos surrounds him. Your husband has a different type of pressure on his shoulders than you do as a mother and wife, figure out what he needs and try to meet those needs in a loving way. 

3. Co-parent
Believe in his capabilities as a dad.  So many women I know belittle and refuse to acknowledge their husband for his ability to contribute as a parent.  Fortunately I have a husband who is unbelievably involved in the lives of our kids, and I believe all men can be great fathers, you just have to leave him alone with the kids and let him parent in his unique style.  Just because he might do things a little different from you doesn't mean it's wrong, as long as the values are the same, let him take them out for ice cream or wrestle on the living room floor.  Let him have his OWN relationship with them, and make his own memories with them, it will strengthen his confidence and strengthen their relationship. 

4. Lover
Show him that he is desirable.  As a wife, sometimes I get so focused on the kids that I fail to really SEE my husband.  Men need to know {just like women} that they are attractive, desirable and sexy.  Many women struggle in this area, thinking that it is something that you can procrastinate on until the kids are grown.  Your husband will be more "dialed in" to family life if he feels connected to you.  Sex is one of the most important ways men feel connected, go forth and enjoy yourself. Want to see where in scripture it talks about this?  Song of Solomon 7:10 says "I belong to my lover and his desire is for me."  Another steamier passage is Song of Solomon 5:10-16 (you can read it by clicking on the link)

5. Hero
Show your husband and your kids that you admire your husband.  Inside the heart of every boy is the desire to be the hero, the "Knight in shining armor". Here is the secret: boys become men and that desire never quits.  My husband regularly does things that are heroic in small ways.  He fixes things around the house, he took my car in to be fixed, he recovered my pictures on a crashed hard drive, and he helped our daughter fix her broken Lego creation to name a few. Just because he can't lift my car with one finger or fly faster than a speeding bullet doesn't mean he isn't a hero.  He's my everyday hero, and your husband is too.  Tell him that you think he's courageous, tell him that he's amazing, and tell him what he does that is heroic everyday.

6. Friend
Is your husband your friend?  I hope you can say yes.  There is nothing more destructive to a marriage than an environment where you and your husband are not friends {I know this from personal experience}.  The best co-parents, teammates and lovers are those who are friends.  Friendship suggests that you trust your husband and you have intimacy with him.  When you are friends, it is easier to work side-by-side as parents because you know, appreciate and understand your husband's motives.  Take time to cultivate your friendship with your husband.  Find common interests and spend energy focused only on him.  Married couples will only drift apart, they will never drift together.  So, we need to intentionally build up our friendships to keep from drifting.  Don't allow your best energy to go to your kids, tasks, other friends, hold some in reserve for your husband every day. Proverbs 5:16,18 talks about this idea in a slightly different direction "And don’t be like a stream from which just any [person] may take a drink. Be happy with the [spouse] you married when you were young."

7. Leader
Perhaps the most important name is "Leader".  Men thrive on respect.  When you appreciate your husband's leadership over your family, when you empower him to be the leader, you are telling him without words that you respect and honor him.  I know not every man is a natural leader in his home, but I often think that is because as women we struggle with stepping aside and allowing him to lead.  Many women {me included} struggle with the idea of a "leader" in marriage because it seems like we are giving up our right to "equality" in our marriage.  A Chinese Proverb {made famous by the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding} says it well, "Man is the head of the family, woman the neck that turns the head".  We are working together as a unit and our man should be in the lead, because he is the protector and the provider (in many families).  Give him the respect he desires by stepping aside and trusting that he will do what is right.  Ephesians 5:33 says "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

I think it's easier to be critical than it is to be encouraging.  Take a few moments today to figure out how you can show your husband how much you appreciate all he does and is for your family, and for you as his wife.

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    I would love to see other moms splashed as well. We could use your ideas. Your tips. Your stories. Your photos. Your anything mom.

    I compose some notes on Monday. I get the momma schedules. So hop over any day of the week (think link up whenever it works best for you) and join us. Real moms. Sharing our notes. Creating a momma melody.

    Splashin' Momma,


  2. These are 7 great names! Never thought of listing them out this way. Love it.

  3. Thanks bunches for linking up. We hope to see you again and again.

    Thanks for splashing with us and linking up to splash other mommas as well.

    Just moms. Sharing our notes. Creating a melody.


    Be blessed bunches,

  4. I love this list! I especially like the friend and the team-mate. I am proud that my husband and I stand together as parents and our kids know this. I also love that they see us being friends - they see us enjoying each other's company and telling one another about our days.


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