Sep 23, 2013

Dear mom crying in the corner, you got this. OWN IT!

Dear mom crying in the corner,

I was you not too long ago.  I had a 2 year old and a newborn, and you know, every time my newborn cried (which was a lot), my 2 year old would cry.  He hated to hear his sister cry.  Even thinking about it 8 years later, my heart starts to pound and I start to feel like I want to go hide in the bathroom.   It is funny in retrospect, but not funny ha-ha, because it is one of those things that is impossibly hard about being a mommy.

Now, I have a 10 year old and an 8 year old and the other day I thought "wow, parenting is really hard." (Followed by - "time to go put another quarter in the therapy jar").  I think the only thing that is a given as a mom is that you WILL make mistakes, you will fail to be consistent, you will give your kids too much sugar sometimes, you will let them watch too much T.V. and rot their brains, you might neglect your kids a little too much for a day or two, you will screw your kids up a little (sometimes a lot) by the way you parent, (no matter how you parent - hence the above mentioned "Therapy Jar".)

The best thing you can do? Stop wringing your hands about your mistakes and comparing yourself to and judging other moms, and own it!  LOVE YOUR KIDS!  There is nothing wrong with that.  Decide how you want to parent and keep shooting for that goal, even if you miss half the time.  

I want us all to stop aiming for mediocrity as parents, and do the best you can do with what you've been given.  Today I want you to know that YOU CAN DO IT!  Even if you fail (some most of the time).

My 10 year old son talks incessantly, (like his mom), and the other day I was trying to finish making dinner, and he was following me around talking about some Youtube video a friend described to him that day at school {yes, this happened, it happens every day} and I forgot my filter.  I didn't say shut up or anything rude like that (HA!)  I just said "Why are you talking right now? Can you just NOT?"   I hurt his feelings (go figure).  I had to apologize.

I didn't go curl up into the fetal position and cry about what a bad mom I am.  I admitted my mistake, he forgave me, I forgave me, God forgave me and my son knows I love him.   The world didn't end, and he might talk about it in therapy later, but that's okay, he needs SOMEthing to talk about,  amIright?  

Mom, you might be exhausted and feel like hiding in the closet with a wine glass and a bottle of wine (or maybe you don't need the glass... not going to judge), or maybe you feel like you are going to scream and need to go run a few miles to get away from your kids (just make sure you come home).

I going to lay this out here: My kids... not perfect.  My house... not perfect.  My organization... not perfect.  No one is perfect.  No one HAS to be perfect.

I am not motivated by exterior pressure {much}. Maybe you are like me.  I will go along with it as long as it suits me and then, eventually, I will squirm from the pressure and turn around, stick my tongue out and shout "YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" at whoever is giving me the pressure.

Whether the pressure be motivated by judgement, guilt, love or wisdom... unless I am convinced {and convicted} within my heart... and therefore the pressure is coming from within, I can't maintain focused attention.  I suspect most moms are that way. 

Intentional or Purposeful Parenting something I am passionate about. I have written series in the past about it at a couple different ages and stages of my kids.  You can see those here and here.   I am passionate about this topic because I view every single child as a future adult, as someone who has the power to impact their world, either for good or for harm.  

I am motivated to help other moms, like you, reach their full potential because the way you parent impacts me.  It impacts all of us.  We are raising the next generation, and they will someday be our leaders, our workers, our caregivers.  We are ALL invested in how they turn out. {I shudder.}

I will confess, I am a meddler.   I have pet peeves like the next mama, and I have my own blind spots {I have to assume}, HOWEVER I love the potential in every little person.

So, when I see a mom who has lost hope, lost her mama mojo or has bought into the "you deserve a break today" mania that helps us as moms justify ignoring and neglecting our kids while spending hours on selfish pursuits (cough, blogging, cough), I want to DO SOMETHING.

Occasionally I want to kick something... mostly I just want to go and pick that mom up and dust her off from where she wallows in self-defeat with the other moms who are enabling her and set her feet back on the path of proactive parenting.  I hope you would do it for me too.

I have come to a place where I don't care what parenting philosophy you adopt as long as it's motivated by love and is thoughtfully and consistently pursued.  It doesn't matter if you mess up, as long as you don't waste time patting yourself on the back for being a "laid-back, non-judgmental" mom, or making excuses for why you can't try when you know you aren't where you wanted to be.  If things aren't the way you want them to be, then do something different.

So, here's a tissue, a piece of chocolate and a squeeze.  You can do this!  You got this!  Own it! Now get out there and be the best mom you can be! {But, don't forget the Therapy Jar}.

Love, AJ

Galatians 6:9: "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

{I have no question, but please, discuss amongst yourselves.}

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  1. This is a wonderful post. I sure wish someone had told me this when I still had children at home.

  2. Yea
    - I really needed to read this today. I felt like the absolute
    lousiest mom on planet earth. I failed on all counts: too much TV, too
    much sugar and not enough mommy time. Oh and dinner was lousy, too. I am
    on a major guilt trip - and this post helped me put it all into
    perspective. So glad you shared this.

  3. Wonderful post. I have a two and a half year old boy and a twelve week old girl so I am OFTEN that Mum crying in the corner, and often the one in the cupboard with the wine! Thanks so much for sharing with the Monday Parenting Pin It Party x

  4. :) It's good to know we aren't alone, and other moms think we can get up and keep on keeping on!

  5. :) It's such a relief to know that we don't have to be perfect all the time... right? We just need to keep trying... and some days will be BEAUTIFUL!

  6. I have kids at home... and I am still trying to believe it! :) Glad you stopped by!


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